By Mavis Quinn, Cub reporter.
My latest assignment for Where Cuckoo (Wo)men Create Magazine .org.com.biz was to go to see some art made by a Spanish guy called Pablo Picasso.
I don’t know why I am covering this guy for the magazine, he doesn’t look cuckoo at all, right?
Because Picasso was a man, I was allowed to take my manfriend with me on the assignment.
A lot of you have been asking about my manfriend. So, with his permission, I will tell you. We have been stepping out for a few months now. His name is Marvin Quixote, and he is a transistor radio repair technician and antique toaster collector from Port Costa, California. He is very good to me. He lets me sit in the front of the tandem bike. He lets me win at Words With Friends on Tuesdays and Thursdays. And he even lets me read his Kindle over his shoulder. Sometimes. Together we enjoy exploring the bogs of northern Yorkshire, making rubbings of old grave stones and our netty pot club meetings.
The the art thing I was asked to write about was housed in a huge rusty can of a building called the M.H. de Young Museum, in San Francisco’s Golden Gate Park. From the look of the building, the initials M.H. must stand for Metal Ham.
There were quotes from the artist on the walls throughout the rooms. When we got into the show we were in a dank hallway and a sign told us that Picasso was a great collector of Picassos. This seemed a little strange to me when I began to look at all of his stuff. It was clear that what this guy had was all of his left over paintings that no one wanted to buy.
There were paintings with large unfinished sections. There were small piles of wood glued together with titles such as “Guitar” and “My Cat Fluffy’s Litter Box.” And there were some paintings that didn’t resemble anything I have ever seen before. I began to realize that, while I thought I was in a museum (as the sign outside says), Marvin and I had actually paid fifty dollars to attend Picasso’s garage sale and see everything that no one had wanted to buy. (It’s a good thing I have an expense account. Fifty Bucks!)
In preparation for this article I had done extensive research. I google searched Picasso’s paintings two times! And there was some good stuff. Each time I Googled I saw many colorful and wonderous things.
But half of what was in the show looked like it was painted with some left over beige house paint from his neighbors, the Brady Bunch. The other half was a grotesque jumble of arms, legs, eyes, pine cones, olives, and unmentionable “intimate” parts!
It’s not that I don’t appreciate art. I studied long and hard under the Late Bob Ross. I even got a squirrel baby and fed it corn cobs. I got a perm and made my hair like a giant brown pom pom.
It’s just that art should look LIKE something.
I just don’t know anyone whose heads come out of their toes and who have teeth like chicken’s feet and who have pine cones wedged deep in their laps. I mean look at this, really? Marvin kept asking me what those little olives were on their bums. Olives, I guess.
It’s not even like I don’t like art. I have several really nice paintings at home.
See? Need I say more?
Then there was a quote from Picasso, way up high on the wall that read. “Art is a lie that makes us realize the truth.”
Now I am thinking… maybe this guy is not so dumb after all. He made a bunch of paintings of really strange looking people and he got paid a TON of money. Then the people took it home and put it on their wall. Was it then that they realized the truth? It’s a pile of body parts, hen’s teeth, and pine cones that is really ugly! Maybe? But there was a no backsies policy, and I think that old Pablo laughed all the way to the bank.
Who do you know that has an arm like that? Coming out of her hip?
And something is wrong with her head, fo sho.
And in that quote he said ‘no real style’… hmmm. Does he mean style like Clinton Kelley or style like Carson Kressley? Those guys have style by the bucket load – think of the field day they would have with these two ladies (below)!
Hasn’t Picasso watched ANY reality television in the last decade? EVERYONE knows you have to wear a “Good Bra,” for Pete’s Sake. And, people, accessorize, please! Picasso’s right – no real style going on here.
And what is going on here is beyond my comprehension – the Late Bob Ross didn’t prepare me for this…
I threw up in my mouth a little when I saw this.
Marvin politely looked the other way.
But, the last quote up on the wall was a revelation. “Painting is stronger than me. It makes me do what it wants.” Now we were getting somewhere. The Late Bob Ross said this exact thing to me on so many occasions. “The painting will tell you what it wants. Maybe it wants a little stream here,” or “I think it wants a few little critter tracks here,” or even, “I think it wants a dead tree trunk right in the middle of this painting.”
And, like a lightning bolt had struck, I realized: this Picasso dude is the real deal. He is just like the Late Bob Ross. And that makes him OK in my book!
At this point Marvin turned to me and said, “I think I am having a hypoglycemic event.”
So we headed out to the cafeteria for a little soy chai tea and a quinoa tofu scone. And what did we find?
At this point I was outta there!
Editors note: No art nor vegetable was harmed in making of this post. The opinions of Mavis Quinn, Marvin Quixote, Pablo Picasso and the Late Bob Ross are entirely their own business and do not in any way reflect the opinions of the management of this blog site. Except for the absolute need for the dead tree in the front of that painting!